Teach for America extends the franchise!
In a bold and entirely unpredicted move, Teach for America officials have decided to extend the franchise across the board. According to a TFA spokester:
With racial gaps everywhere you look: education, income, housing, health care, we thought to ourselves, “Heck, why limit our horizon to just K-12 education?” The Teach for America model will work anywhere! It is a limitless distraction from the real root causes of racial disparities, and it will permit society to continue to ignore these causes and point fingers at convenient scapegoats!
This is genius.
According to TFA, its first initiative will be called Manage for America. It will look for underperforming African-American, Latino, Korean, Hmong, Somali, Lebanese — you name it — small businesses and replace the owners and managers with white snot-nosed kids who have received a five-week course in bookkeeping, marketing, employment law, and principles of management.
How do we know these businesses are underperforming? Clearly, they all are, because unemployment in these minority communities is higher than white communities. It’s obvious.
TFA, or maybe MFA, recognizes that these fresh faces will need help, so they will be able to draw upon the resources of a sister initiative, Accountants for America. Or is it Accountants for America!? Whatever. These accountants will have training rivaled only by H & R Block.
Once MFA is firmly established, a program called Construction for America! will be undertaken. This program will teach its five-week initiates how to construct housing out of innovative materials like cardboard, tar paper, and sod. It is expected that many sites already existing with utilities — like ventilation grates — can be used more efficiently, once the CFA grads are put to work.
The final program — and it’s just a gleam in TFA’s eye right now — is Government for America! TFA officials admit that it might be difficult to cram a proper indoctrination, that is, training, program into five weeks. Some departure from the template might be required; a program might require six or even eight weeks. Discussions are being had with ALEC about the most efficient and effective way to handle this one. But the result will undoubtedly be much better legislators than the ones we must suffer now.
Yes, it’s a brave new world.
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